Ramblings of a tired mom

Hubster's car wouldn't start yesterday morning when it was time for him to go to work in the 3 a.m. hour.  He thinks maybe he left the lights on.   He took mine and tried charging the battery yesterday, but it still isn't starting like it should.  He took my car to work again today and is going to play with his more when he gets home.

He has a rare daytime shift today instead of leaving in the middle of the night.  This was very good because BFF called and said she wasn't going to school, so having my car here was quite needed!  I took Princess to school and Hubster was waiting for me in the driveway to take my car to work when I got back.  He'll be home just in time for me to get Princess.

There's always something!  Broken cars, sickness, cats who keep us up at night, distressed kid, malfunctioning appliances, whatever.  I have tried for nearly 15 years now to convince Hubster that it's just a part of life.  He gets so stressed when anything goes wrong.

I haven't been sleeping well and have a touch of a stomach bug or something.  Milo thinks it is party time the moment Hubster gets up and starts wrecking havoc, even though I still have several more hours of sleep to catch.  And, of course, he does it even on the days when Hubster doesn't get up at 3 a.m.

I'm taking a bit of me time today.  I rested in bed for a a while after Princess and Hubster were gone, though I still couldn't fall asleep.  I'm going to do some easy writing work and see what's on TV.

Princess woke up in a good mood this morning and went to school with no problems!  Even though her Dad was home, which totally threw off her routine.  Even though BFF isn't going to school.  Even though I was the one to drop her off.  Even though Hubster didn't go with us like she wanted.  Even though we're coming off a four-day weekend.

HUGE.  Huge, huge, huge.

I talked to her psychiatrist Friday and we're tweaking her medication a bit.  We're reducing her Buspar to see if the last dosage increase (in August) possibly backfired and upped her anxiety instead of decreasing it.  She was at 40 mg, which is fairly high for Buspar.  That was 20 mg in the morning and 20 mg in the evening.  I tried taking her off it completely a few months ago, but it jacked up her sleep, so we're going slowly.

We reduced it by 10 mg in the morning and it already seems to be making a huge difference.  Of course, both the holidays and final exams are over at school so that's definitely at play, too.  It's so hard to see what is situational and what is medication. 

Tomorrow will be a week without meltdown.  She's waking up in a good mood and was pleasant all weekend.  Her appetite has also decreased.  She hasn't been nearly as hungry.  She didn't finish her dinner last night, even though she said it tasted really good (we made Asian lettuce wraps).  She said, "I used to feel myself be full, but I couldn't stop eating.  Lately, I'm able to just stop when I get full."

She still goes and looks in the fridge several times a day to make sure we have food, but she doesn't feel compelled to eat each time like she did even a week ago.  She just looks.

The fridge was looking a little low yesterday after I cleaned out some big containers.  She admitted that it was making her nervous.  I pointed out all the food we still had and that the freezer and pantry were still full.  Then I showed her my grocery list because I was already planning on shopping in the afternoon.  That completely reassured her.

By the way, I went to the grocery store by myself, which has become pretty common.  Princess is completely fine with staying home with Hubster while I run errands now.  It took a long time to get her to that point, but we are firmly there.

Also, she stayed alone in the house for about 20 minutes yesterday while Hubster and I messed with his car.  Being alone in the house has always completely freaked her out.

Oh, and she's able to access her tools better again!  She's done some tapping and TRE exercises completely on her own.  She even reminded me about tapping.  I told her I haven't been sleeping well and she said, "Did you tap?"  I admitted that I didn't think of it, but it was a very smart idea.

So, yeah, pretty huge stuff happening.

I just scheduled a neuro psych  evaluation and am hoping that gives us some insight, so we can get going on some medication that is more effective with her anxiety.  Her issues could very well be "just" the result of trauma, but I have a feeling there is something more going on.  I found a clinic about 2 hours south of us that only sees children.  They don't take Medicaid, but are willing to see us anyway without charging us the usual $2,400 fee.   There aren't any openings until April at this point, but they'll let us know if something sooner opens.

Tonight is the season finale of "Parenthood."  I had no idea it was a short season!  I usually watch it on Netflix a season behind, but I caught up on the whole season through Hulu Plus last week because I wanted to start writing about the adoption storyline.  I didn't realize I was coming into it on the last episode!

They are nailing it with the older child adoption storyline.  Kudos to them. I hope they don't tie it up with a cute little bow, though.  They need to continue to show the struggle - just like they do with Max's Aspergers.

I can so relate to Julia's exhaustion and decision to quit her job.  That's exactly where I was.  I understand Victor and the actions of a kid with trauma/attachment issues and Joel and Julia's struggle to do what is best for him.

However, Max is making an even bigger impact on me this season.  Max and Princess are both in their first year of middle school and it is a huge challenge for both of them.  Princess gets stuck on things like Max.  Her meltdowns are also similar.  There are also many ways she's different from Max - she's so warm and snugly and loving, for example. 

I don't think she has Asperger's, but I'm really looking forward to the neuro psych evaluation so we can see if there is something under the surface.  She's also excited about it.  I explained that it will be a doctor asking her questions and playing games with her all day in order to help us figure out how her brain works and the best ways to help her.  She's ready for it.

There's still room for the Early Trauma and Attachment Annual Meeting (a.k.a. simply "ORLANDO!")  The awesome Corey posted this yesterday:

"ETAAM openings: quad (2 bunk beds in one room) in Hollywood, queen in The Palace, 2 doubles (2 twins in one room) in The Palace. There are 2 payments involved with ETAAM. The first is for lodging and is based on room type: $85 for a quad, $145 for a double, $190 for a king or queen, $220 if the king or queen has ensuite bath. The second payment covers food, ground transportation, restaurant meal, tshirt, goodie bag, etc, and is the same for everyone; $175. Please contact me by pm or at jcwaters2002@yahoo.com if interested.. please share this post if you know someone else who might be interested.. I hate to see these slots go unused when I know there are moms in desperate need of this kind of support. Read more about ETAAM at: http://www.etaam2013.blogspot.com/p/faqs.html"

This will be my third time attending, though the first year I'm staying overnight (let alone for multiple nights!)  I soaked up so much the last two years in just a few hours and can't wait to see what I absorb in a whole weekend.  If you are contemplating it at all, DO IT.  I know it's hard, but if I can make myself commit to it, so can you.  I promise.  SOOO much support, knowledge, encouragement and togetherness.  Amazing is the only word I can think of to describe it.

Princess and I have a date for a sno cone after school today.  We're having leftover Asian lettuce cups for dinner.  We used this recipe after sampling them at the grocery store, subbing ground turkey breast for pork.  I'm hoping Hubster gets his car sorted out, I'm able to get motivated to knock out some work and everyone has an early bedtime.

Oh, and that this little monster chills out.  (Isn't he huge?  Hard to believe Milo was less than 2 pounds just seven months ago.)