Being 12

I realized this week (through a bit of tough love that I didn't want to hear from friends) that I'm making it difficult for Princess to act her chronological age.  I baby her and it feels good to both of us, but it's keeping her from wanting to seek out the healthy independence other preteens are so desperate to explore. 

This is going to be a big work in progress for both of us, but we got a good start yesterday.  BFF is fascinated with Princess's toe and asked if she could go to the podiatrist with us for her checkup after school.  When I brought BFF home, Princess ran in to see her new bedroom furniture. 

When they came out, they asked if Princess could stay there while I went to the store and to get gas.  BFF's mom was still at work.  After making sure it was okay with her, I agreed.  Princess was shocked. 

This is the first time I've left her without adult supervision.

I was gone for about an hour.  They did their homework together.  We went home and had an easy dinner and bedtime. 

There was some regression from it this morning (wailing).  She's worried about not being by baby anymore.  Growing up is scary and uncomfortable.  We're going to keep trudging along, though. 

In BIG, HUGE news, I'm going to spend the weekend at the Early Trauma Attachment Annual Meeting in Orlando in March!  I've driven over for a day (more like a few hours) the past two years, but haven't allowed myself to go for a lot of reasons - mostly because I don't want to spend the night away from Hubster and Princess.  I like being home with them.

But someone noticed how exhausted I am and made a scholarship donation just for me.  That sure was a wake up call.  I tried to fight it, but when Princess was wailing this morning because I woke her up at 6:30 instead of 6:15, I realized they are right:  I'm burning out.  I need a break. (And Princess is going to need to start setting her own alarm clock.)

I'm absolutely terrified.  Despite chattering all over the Internet about all my personal business, I am actually very show and have much social anxiety.  Plus, as we all know, my separation anxiety is probably just as big as Princess's. 

However, I know this will be good for our family.  We all need to see that I can go away for a few days and that the world won't end.  Maybe it will even lead to a future weekend of alone time with Hubster. 

I have three goals for 2013.  They are all really big ones.

1.  Help Princess become more independant.
2.  Take better care of myself.
3.  Reconnect with Hubster on a level beyond two exhausted parents.

Lots of hard work ahead, but so desperately needed and worth it.